A little bit about then. I wasn’t sure I would make it to my 18th birthday, I told a friend recently. She said why? I said my life was quite bumpy. At 14.5 my father was murdered by a teenager with a handgun, a year and a half later I was locked in a mental institution for 15 months. I just really didn’t know if I would make it to my 18th birthday.

When that Bday arrived I awoke to a wet pillow. Apparently, I started crying while I was still sleeping but I cried a lot more once I woke up. I couldn’t believe I had made it.
It’s symbolized for me the age at which I could leave home and start to live life on my terms.

That was then. Now is a very different perspective and viewpoint as I look across the horizon.

I was very surprised and deeply touched when I walked into dinner at the Ayurvedic clinic in India where I was spent the month of October 2026 and they surprised me for my birthday. I had no idea. Even the doctor gave me a little gift. I decided that I would celebrate every day leading up to my big birthday in 2026

Then I decided to go to Southeast Asia where I had never been before. And once you go to Southeast Asia (from the US) you might as well go around the world.

Then my unplanned book about my unplanned journey was compiled and released on Amazon.

Then, just yesterday I dipped my toe into planning an intimate 70th birthday celebration. That led to buying myself a happy birthday helium balloon and hanging a couple celebratory banners (that I had bought for a friend ) in my home. The "had" in that previous sentence is the kicker because I’ve decided to keep the banners for myself.

I came to embody that it was good to celebrate myself as this big milestone approached.

I don’t think I need to say more. All of these words came this morning. It appears to be my way of introducing the few people who follow my personal blog to my new book. I’m very pleased with the book, I should say the wording in the book. I’m less pleased with how the artwork appears. I take full responsibility for that, lesson learned. If there’s ever another book I will take the time to order a draft so I can see the size and quality of the colorful prints before they’re published.

An Unplanned Journey Around the World: Finding What and Who I Am

My wish for you is that you enjoy your every day.

An Unplanned Journey Around the World: Finding What and Who I Am: Spiro, Lauren: 9798186046417: Amazon.com: Books

(kindle $2.99, softback $9.99)

Recently it has become clear to me that four pillars, or fundamental beliefs, are changing the architecture of my life.

I define pillars as important, strong structural supports. The pillars I write about here are deeply held beliefs and that serve as a lens through which I perceive everything – myself, my relationships, and how communications flows or doesn’t flow in the world. These pillars are transforming the architecture of my life.

Architecture is an art and science of designing and building structures. The structures (or pillars) I share here are ones that reflect my values and beliefs and therefore play a central role in shaping my social identity, how I live and interact with others and how I contribute to various eco-systems and environments of my life. Before sharing the four pillars, however, I would like to share a bit about the fertile soil from which the pillars grew. The soil has three seed ideas that are foremost on my mind these days.

The first seed is the process of slowing down and calming my nervous system so I can focus on what is alive and present around me and in me. As I deepen this ‘slowing down’ practice I’m able to feel and sense more. While the feeling is typically an actual bodily sensation or an emotion, the sensing feels ephemeral or evanescent; perhaps intuition plays a role in this sensing process. I believe there is something that wants to be recognized and become part of my perceptual field and it is becoming clearer to me that the more I invite it in, the more alive it is becoming. It seems I simply need to practice inviting it in. It doesn’t feel like creating a new neuropathway in my brain, I feel it in my body and if I needed to pin point a place it, at this moment, would be my heart. I might as well share with you one area of focus of my sensing. That is, the roots of my strength and tenacity within my ancestral lineage. It was no surprise to me that my father came across prominently but it was unexpected that my maternal great grandmother appeared. I will continue gently inviting this sensing so I may expand my capacity for it while being mindful to not impose my egoic self.

The second seed provides more background context. Fifteen years ago I co-created and co-launched the Emotional CPR (eCPR) a primary prevention education training which teaches people how to support others through emotional crisis/distress. In creating the eCPR process I included what I considered to be the most important lessons of my life which I believe are universal. That is, when I (and others) have been in emotional crisis or experiencing big emotions what I most needed was people to genuinely listen to me without judgement or trying to fix me or fix anything. When people listened to me I remembered I had power and agency. The sense of agency led to a revitalization- of feeling my power which included making some different choices about my life so that it aligned more closely with my values, intentions and vision. Practicing the embodiment of eCPR has significantly contributed to my life and to my evolution. eCPR is one of many pathways to becoming more aware (or conscious) of our self, our self in relationship to others and our self in relationship to the world.

The third seed provides further background to understanding how I fertilized the soil from which the pillars grew. I believe deeply in peer-run respites which embody the power of relational connecting as a way to not only support people through emotional crisis but invite people to transform their lives. Peer-run respites provide a home-like environment where trauma-embodied, healing-focused approaches are proactive, inclusive and imbued with wisdom gained from the lived experience of having moved through emotional crisis. Peer-run respites have, I believe, some of the most significant and meaningful outcomes in the psychiatric or ‘mental health’ universe. I think of them as the north star or the gold standard in terms providing emotional crisis support. For more information on this see the article I recently wrote with Peggy Swarbrick: Spiro, L., & Swarbrick, M. (2024). Peer-Run Respite Approaches to Supporting People Experiencing an Emotional Crisis. Psychiatric Services. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ps.20230599

The eCPR and peer-run respite philosophy, processes and practices are ingrained in my life and in all four pillars.

1st pillar: Three Fundamental Human Rights. Thomas Hubl asserts that every human being has three fundamental rights: the right to be seen and heard for who you are, the right to belong to a community that accepts you for who you are, and the right to have the opportunity to flourish. In short, it is the right to be, belong and become. (1) I believe these rights are essential to supporting the highest capacity of individual and collective human evolution.

2nd pillar: Inviting authenticity and believing in the highest future potential of every person

The roots of this pillar came from realizing the impact of not believing in the highest future potential of every person. And the reality of that impact hit me when I understood Otto Scharmer, (co-founder of the Presencing Institute at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology) who coined the term ‘attentional violence’. It is a form of violence that tends to be invisible, unrecognized, and pervasive in our culture. On the interpersonal level “attentional violence is to not to be seen and recognized in terms of who you really are”… when we are seen for our highest future possibility then we are seen as our essential or authentic Self.

When our authentic self and highest future possibility is not seen, then its future potential is cut off from the evolution of the present. Not being seen is a form of violence because it violates fundamental human needs.

When people understand that they are not being seen for who they are and for their fullest future potential, their ability to fully be themselves and create the life they want is diminished. (2)

Inviting authenticity means having an unwavering perspective of believing completely in the full potential of every person, which means seeing beyond the profound effects of various forms of oppression, including but not limited to racism, sexism, classism, ageism, and mental health oppression. This is, I believe, a major reason why peer-run respites have very successful outcomes supporting people through emotional crisis/distress.

3rd pillar: Coping mechanisms are intelligence in action

Coping mechanisms, such as emotional numbness serve as protective intelligence. For example, when I was quite young, I was physically and emotionally abused. When the abuse occurred, I emotionally shut down to protect my vulnerable, authentic self. I went numb and contracted to survive. This numbness or frozenness continued, unawarely, for decades. Recently, I worked on this abuse in a new way- not from an adult perspective but from the eco-system of my young self when the trauma occurred. I do this work with another person, we take turns listening to each other. I sensed into the environment (eco-system) back then: how did it feel being in the house, how was communication, etc. A river of tears flowed out from my gut and immediately afterwards I felt a spaciousness, and a relief. A chunk of the numbness and contraction had melted away. It was gone.

Being listened to in an authentic, respectful manner allowed me to connect with my young self and release long-held and frozen emotions. That process allowed wisdom to flow and there was less need to compartmentalize and be numb. By respecting coping mechanisms (such as my contraction and disassociation) as intelligence, we can assist the person in distress (if they want this kind of support) to gently explore together the layers of distancing (or numbness or retraction), giving the person the space and the support necessary to feel and process their emotions.

In summary, emotional crisis (in both eCPR and peer-run respite) is understood as a valid and meaningful coping mechanism that is protecting the person from trauma or challenging circumstances. By using curious inquiry, we can explore our own as well as other people’s experiences and perspectives and get support for thinking and feeling our way through the emotional distress. I don’t know of a more powerful way to genuinely (from a cellular level not a head/cognitive level) take charge of our lives. This healing process often means venturing into unknown territory and tolerating uncertainty. When a person feels supported they find meaning in big emotions, they regain emotional balance, reclaim their power, and determine their next steps from a more informed stance. The process of emotional release clears the cloudiness we may not have recognized was part of the lens through which we perceived our world. This process of cleaning my lens has magnified my sense of purpose and meaning in my life.

How can "emotional crisis" be a coping mechanism? To illustrate this I look back at my young self. When I was sixteen years of age, growing up in the Washington, D.C. area during the turbulent Vietnam War years I had anxiety about the world I was beginning to enter as an adult- where was my place, my path, and where was the truth. I don’t think my confusion was unusual at this age. One unforgettable day I began to sense that a higher power was propelling me to do a task that meant risking everything including my life. It was scarry but exciting and required a lot of courage. I shared some of the task with my mother and the next day after a quick visit to a psychiatrist I was put in a mental institution and labeled schizophrenic. Now, decades later I had a very different understanding of this “mental illness” experience. My understanding is that spirit (or some force) bypassed my cognitive process and powerfully directed me to go down a new path. A path that would help shift the direction of the country to being more authentic, inclusive and progressive in the community mental healthcare domain. It seems that the “schizophrenic” messages were actually a vision, as they did come true. As Director of the National Coalition for Mental Health Recovery I participated in both congressional and White House policy meetings.

The point being that everything we do to cope is the best we can do at the time. When people use curious inquiry and do not rush to judge and label someone, we can together find the wisdom that lies deeper than the words or the behavior.

4th pillar: “Being With”; authenticity and attunement

“Being with“ means being aware of the impact of our words and actions and communicating in ways that are authentically validating, inviting openness with regard to reflecting on inner experiences and allowing the person to move through their distress. “Being with“ includes practicing attunement (i.e., a feeling of spaciousness and presence) and deepening our ability to be aware of each other’s feelings, respecting each person’s emotions and supporting people to feel cared for and listened to. Practicing attunement enhances my capacity to be sensitive and effective in interacting, communicating, and connecting with people. The invitation is to let go of any feelings or thoughts that interfere with being present with ourselves and with others so we may co-create a safe space that invites deeper mutual learning. The safety of the space we co-create provides an opportunity to explore our emotions and thus to digest and integrate our experience. I have found that this practice opens a creative pathway to explore new choices for living.

Finally, I and others have found that as we deepen our practice of attunement, we tap into inner resources for finding calmness and feeling connected. This practice has led me to feeling more grounded in my body and to deepening relationships- with myself, with other people, and with all of life. The authentic quality of our relationships is critical to co-creating transformative, mutually respectful spaces.

References

(1) Hübl T: Attuned: Practicing Interdependence to Heal Our Trauma—and Our World. Boulder, CO, Sounds True, 2023

(2) https://pi-2022.s3.amazonaws.com/Presencing_Book_Apr2025_Ch1_2_Sample_cf6b727483.pdf

https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.ps.20230599

My most recent article and 1st ever published in an American Psychiatric Association (APA) journal. I am inspired that they are interested in progressive approaches. Per usual, cooptation may occur. Nevertheless we continue to advocate, educate and advocate some more.

Peer-Run Respite Approaches to Supporting People Experiencing an Emotional Crisis | Psychiatric Services (psychiatryonline.org)

Please ignore APA advertisements if they appear.

https://youtu.be/BHlCKfssGQU
My 3 min video on the impact of Emotional CPR (eCPR) a training I co-developed for teaching people how to support others going through emotional crisis/distress.

Lauren Spiro –

March 28, 2023

This article is an invitation to open our perceptions to other approaches of supporting people through emotional crisis. Rather than pathologizing behavior we can use curious inquiry to explore the intelligence that is working. “What is this behavior serving or supporting?” or “What is the story that this metaphor is trying to tell?” or even, simply, “What happened?” Thus, with compassion we look for the intelligence that was used by the person in distress in order to survive.

Retraction, numbness, or dissociation are signs of intelligence that was effective in managing the situation and/or the emotions given the circumstances. Respecting our coping mechanisms as intelligence at work, we can then gently explore the layers of distancing (or numbness and retraction), giving it more space and support to be felt. This allows more understanding and wisdom to flow and brings relief. There is less need to compartmentalize and numb.

For transparency, I will say that decades ago I spent 15 months as a teenager in a conventional mental institution and was labeled with chronic schizophrenia. The passion fueling this article is a deep desire to be free from any form of oppression that makes my life smaller than it needs to be, but particularly mental health oppression (the drive to look “normal”) which has been my life’s work. I have learned that as I shed the layers of numbness, I can bring more light to that in me which makes me more whole, mature, and wise. Healing trauma allows more flow, flexibility in our thinking, and being more present, more accepting of difference and different perceptions of how life should be.

Whatever I resist persists; numbness or denial is the glue that serves as a barrier to enhancing self-awareness. We don’t need to override what we feel but rather gently explore it, seeing what emotions may come up along the way. And we can do this with other people whom we trust and who are willing to listen and are therefore a resource for becoming more grounded in our body. This way we can expand our relationship with our self, with others, with our family and perhaps our ancestors–and if we choose to take it to deeper levels, we can explore our relationship with the earth and the universe.

Each of us has the power to enhance our self-awareness and resolve the fixated or hardened parts of ourselves. Freedom is transcendence, elevating our awareness. Thus, we can clear our perceptual lens and let more of the world into us. That’s the core of the peer-run respite/Soteria house approach to emotional crisis response, and it contrasts strikingly from the approach of conventional psychiatry.

To help bring light to these differences, I invited diverse people to take part in a dialogue. Each person invited had experience being either a service recipient in a peer-run respite, a Soteria House, or a conventional setting, and/or experience as a staff member of any of these. Much gratitude and appreciation goes to Cindy Hadge, Adrian Bernard, and Burt Mooney for sharing their wisdom and experience in our dialogue, and special thanks to Grace Silvia who co-wrote the specific comparisons of these different approaches which are explained below.

To clarify language, the term “peer-run respite” refers to an alternative to being admitted to a psychiatric institution and instead offers a voluntary, home-like, trauma-sensitive setting in the community where people are assisted through the crisis. Similar to peer-run respites but different in some ways, the Soteria model primarily uses peers for its staff and is founded on principles of voluntary stay and the recovery model, including minimal use of neuroleptic drugs. The original Soteria house was founded by a psychiatrist, not a peer, and as a research study it had specific guidelines that prevented participation by some groups of people. Both of these programs are spreading around the world and are evolving. Some do things differently, sometimes by choice and sometimes because of the funding source and/or policy environment.

All quotes in this article are from our dialogue participants; their words bring clarity to the comparisons of emotional crisis response.

Comparisons

My therapist said, ‘Let’s talk about your childhood’. I said ‘the house is on fire, I want to figure out how to sleep.

I was locked in an isolation room with nothing but a toilet and they told me that was for my safety. It did not feel safe.

The conventional approach understands presenting behaviors as reflecting a disturbed, diseased, or chemically imbalanced mind. Underlying emotional crisis is not typically considered. On the other hand, peer-run respites/Soteria houses understand emotional crisis as something that may happen when circumstances exceed a person’s current capacity to effectively cope. Crisis response behaviors are often seen as having important meaning for the person’s life and may be related to trauma.

Many times people in clinical roles get set up with the impossible expectation that you have control over people and if they don’t do well it is your fault. In peer work I know I don’t have control over someone else. In fact I probably don’t know what is best for them. I would have to talk to them and hear their story in the context of their distress. I am not going to assume that I know. I partner with them, to try and be honest and vulnerable regarding what is coming up for me and what my limitations are. Hopefully I am creating a space for them to find their own solution, to use their inner wisdom to figure out what path makes sense for them.

At Soteria the staff never judged us or tried to guide us to any particular therapy. A part of myself knew what I had to go through and the staff were there to support me … without my being drugged, coerced and diagnosed… I was very blessed to have been in an environment where I could have that experience and come out the other end and learn who I am.

The goal of the conventional approach is to reduce or eliminate symptoms, making the person easier to manage and conform to dominant cultural norms. It is believed that the person in crisis does not know what is best for themselves. Thus, the focus is on modifying behavior. In contrast, peer-run respites/Soteria houses create a mutually respectful space where compassion is offered and individual choice is honored. The person in crisis realizes they are not alone, can reclaim their power, and come to find meaning in their crisis experience. The focus is on deepening self-awareness.

The conventional approach is very fear-based. Success is for you to not hear voices or not have big feelings. In peer respite, the question is how do you make sense of it and what is the context of your distress. There is a belief that no matter how unusual the experience or belief is somehow if you look at someone’s life experience it makes sense.

Whose safety are we talking about? It is often more about staff feeling safe.

I began working where I had been an inpatient. Staff said, ’Oh you are a different person’. I said, I was always in here you just were not looking. You were telling me, take your meds and be happy with a very limited life.

What does research data show? Considering the conventional approach, a review of over 100 studies worldwide concluded, “The immediate post-discharge period is a time of marked risk, but rates of suicide remain high for many years after discharge.” Another study concluded “Suicide risk increased during the entire admission and post-discharge period, but peaked in the first week of admission and the first week post-discharge.”

Specific to psychopharmaceutical interventions: there are some short- and long-term benefits for some patients; however, long-term data shows significant debilitating effects, including 20-year lower life expectancy and interference with long-term recovery for many. Conversely, data show significant benefit of peer respite and Soteria House approaches on many levels. Data for peer respite shows improvements in self-esteem, empowerment, social activity, and self-rated mental health symptoms; cost savings; 70% reduction in use of inpatient or emergency services; and more.

The rates of suicides go up after being in the hospital. Forced hospitalization is increasing suicide. What the person has learned is, don’t talk about it because that is what alleged help looks like. They did not lose the feelings. They learn how to lie to get out of the hospital. People who are talking about suicide are not doing it. It is sad to be at that place in your life and get tackled onto the pavement by police because you might hurt yourself, How does that make sense? To get psych drugs, medication, is not talking about the context of your distress.

In terms of the power dynamic, the conventional approach is characterized by a power over approach. Decisions are guided or imposed by professionals whose expert knowledge is unquestioned. The focus is on compliance; the approach is often coercive, which is often experienced by the person in crisis as a violation. In response, the person in crisis may withdraw, comply, or act out in anger in reaction to the coercion and not being seen, heard, or understood.

Hospital staff want me regulated and stable which to me means numb and dumb.

When conventional staff ask about safety and your response is ‘I am not feeling safe’, the staff response was ‘we are going to keep you safe. Now take off all your cloths in front of this stranger and put them in a paper bag. I will take away your phone and all your stuff and lock you in a room’… A part of safety is transparency. If there are rules, be transparent. Tell me what is going on – even if I cannot respond verbally; keep me informed.

In contrast, the peer-run respite/Soteria house approach is power with, where decisions are guided by the person in crisis, whose knowledge of themselves and their situation is honored. The focus is on creating a safe space by listening, exploring the person’s experience and perspective, and supporting them in thinking and feeling their way through the crisis, even if it means going into the unknown and tolerating uncertainty.

I was not safe in my body as a young person… Working in peer respite now it is a constant training process to get people to think differently about what safety means… we tend to make sure to not go down the slippery slope of control and power over. It is a constant, honest negotiation with each other and with ourselves. I have a different relationship with the word, safety. It is a beautiful thing now because I do internally feel safe in myself and who I am in the world.

Another domain is “being with versus doing to.” The conventional approach is to evaluate the person and either minimize or eliminate behaviors, feelings, or ideas considered problematic, primarily using psychiatric drugs. Those in emotional crisis may respond with a need to protect or defend themselves due to being pressured to accept the definition of their experience as a chemical imbalance/mental illness, and to accept the diagnosis and treatment imposed on them. However, the peer-run respite/Soteria house supporter’s intention is to create a safe “being with” space by listening to the person in crisis, exploring together literal or symbolic meaning within the crisis, and supporting the person to move towards meeting their expressed needs and desires.

The supporter also tracks the impact of their own words and actions to ensure that the person in crisis feels listened to and validated. This approach invites openness in the person in emotional crisis and fosters the capacity to look at their inner experience which allows the person to move through the crisis and consider their hopes and intentions for the future.

The conventional approach is, We want to make you think in this box, in the world we are defining for you. Whereas in peer respite we walk alongside, we are a lot more open to people being able to experience their lives the way they want to be defined and how they want to experience it. We experience it together. It is a place where people can express deep and painful things. We don’t try and control them, we have multiple conversations. It is about what is leading to this, and how are you feeling about life and exploring that in a deeper way. We are a family essentially, as a community. We are here for each other, with each other. We walk with people through some pretty intense stuff.

Let’s consider trauma. In the conventional approach, problematic behaviors, emotions, and/or ideas are often understood to be caused by brain chemical imbalances (possibly with a genetic basis). Some consideration may be paid to trauma, but not as an underlying cause. Often, staff do not use a trauma-informed approach. Thus, re-traumatization occurs. Little consideration is paid to the traumatization of staff, other patients, and others witnessing various interventions. The use of psychiatric drugs may mask and compound the trauma.

Many times being in the hospital is not about healing trauma, or creating a life you want, or creating a family atmosphere. It is about containing and medicating someone to the point they don’t have energy to do anything. That is what recovery is. They can barely walk so they will not be any trouble.

Peer-run respites/Soteria houses understand that trauma may be involved in any life-interrupting crisis. Trauma may be individual, intergenerational, community, and/or historical and include the traumas of racism, sexism, poverty, and other forms of systemic oppression that impact people’s lives and are often perpetuated by the behavioral health, education, political, and criminal justice systems. The person in crisis is supported to trust their wisdom, come to their own understanding about their experience, and determine their next steps.

This worst moment I am having may be a catalyst for something great and wonderful versus a catastrophe.

Let’s consider relationality, or the way people are connected. The conventional supporter maintains a professional distance with the person in crisis. Generally, the collective wounds have not been named but rather they have been normalized with multi-system societal messages of “This is how life is” (e.g., racism, sexism, classism, etc.). Peer-run respite/Soteria house supporters engage emotionally and invite mutual learning, including sharing their crisis experiences and what has helped them if the person in crisis is interested and finds it helpful.

As the relationship deepens, the person in crisis may feel safer to explore what meaning the crisis and their emotions may hold for them. Engaging together invites insight and the integration of their experience. Thus, they may become free from learned reactions and past coping mechanisms and practice responding in ways that better serve them. This may lead to creating a life that is more aligned with their deeper self, values, and vision.

When people have more agency, feel stronger, have more community connection or supportive family then they are able to withstand unpacking things.

Lastly, let’s look at the use of law enforcement. Conventionally, law enforcement typically focuses on controlling the person in crisis, who is seen as volatile and potentially harmful to self or others. Sometimes aggressive interventions are used, up to and including lethal force. These interventions often have a harmful impact on the person in crisis, law enforcement personnel, witnesses, families, and the community. Conversely, peer-run respite/Soteria house stays are completely voluntary. When peer-run respite or Soteria House is available, there is often no need for law enforcement engagement. Staff and supporters focus on embodying trauma-sensitive ways to engage the person, including consideration for physical, environmental, and emotional safety.

I hope this article has illuminated some essential processes in healing from trauma, hurts, or humiliation, and/or the importance of respecting one’s need to protect their self. I invite you, dear reader, to open your heart and mind even wider and believe completely in the full potential of every human being. Each of us has the capacity to be a drop of medicine contributing to building healing communities. If you have read this article with an open mind then I want to share one last thought: If we do not see the other person in terms of their highest future potential then we are practicing attentional violence. We are taught that “this is the way things are” but I respectfully submit that this is seeing through a lens of hurt and pain.

As Otto Scharmer explains it, “Attentional violence is to not to be seen and recognized in terms of who you really are—in terms of your highest future possibility. Instead you are only seen in terms of your journey of the past, that is, in terms of the circumstances of the past, in terms of who you happen to be today.”

Resources

• International Peer Respite/Soteria Summit: https://www.alternatives-conference.org/peerrespitesoteriasummit
• Peer Respite Handbook: https://wildfloweralliance.org/peer-respite-handbook/)
• International Peer Respite/Soteria Summit: https://www.peerrespite-soteria.org/resources/
• The Pocket Project: https://pocketproject.org/

Two years ago I co-founded the Honoring Circle (HC). A small group of us have participated in the HC process every week for 2 years. It has changed our lives and so we decided to invite others to join us in this practice. We currently have participants from across the US and Europe and people from Africa and the Far East. We have open spaces in the several free HCs we set up for a 6 week period from March 6, 2022 through April 16, 2022. Contact me if you would like to join a free HC during this time period.

A little background context: The intention of the Honoring Circle (HC) is to deepen our awareness of self, including our body, and mindfully listen to both ourselves and to others, and the Universe, creating a resonant, healing space. Recently we decided to expand our Circle so that others may experience it. We decided to take the HC through the structure (co-sensing, co-initiating, transformational listening, etc.) developed by Otto Scharmer, co-founder of the Presencing Institute at MIT. Otto’s global class began a few weeks ago and we have an extended team of 20 people joining us in the class process but we have opening in our actual HCs. So I thought I would invite more folks. Every day we seem to have another person joining us. I will work to find a time that works for you.

A description of our process follows. Feel free to use it and give us attribution (Honoring Circle, Presencing Institute)

Honoring Circle – Honoring Self and Honoring Others

Introduction

The Honoring Circle is an embodied practice that provides a way to connect with ourselves, to recreate community and develop the skills of deep listening and empathy. Deep listening and witnessing help build a container of trust where we can show up without needing to hide our true selves. Embodying this process may lead to increased feelings of self-worth, trust in our own body’s inherent intelligence and an enhanced sense of self-confidence. Those who have practiced it regularly have found the Honoring Circle to be an anchor amidst the turbulence, a safe place to feel grounded, seen and heard in a way that feels healing. The witnessing is as important as the sharing.

The Process

Setting the container: To begin we announce a sacred space in a ceremonial way, perhaps with a ringing bowl or other culturally appropriate item. From this time all that is shared within the circle is not to be shared outside the circle. We honour each other by listening with our whole body, with all our senses and with our heart, speaking of and from our true selves. Staying present in the moment, we witness each other. We pass the talking stick around the circle (metaphorically online or literally in person) and practice listening The intention of the Honoring Circle is to deepen our awareness of self, including our body, and mindfully listen to both ourselves and to others, and the Universe, creating a resonant, healing space.

Each person who wishes shares:

Round 1: How you feel around what’s been happening in your life recently and the impact it has had on you. Round 1 invites us to check in with each other, to quiet our minds, and to settle into our group space.

Round 2: Share your being-ness, that is, how you are in your mind , heart and body and how connected you feel to earth/sky/Universe. Throughout this practice it is important to simply witness and share what is observed, not to change anything. This act of direct awareness and sharing may have a transformative effect. Allowing the process is important.

While realising our entire being is a unified whole, to assist in connecting to ourselves in this deep way, we suggest four areas of focus.

1) Mind/ Head – Notice the quality of sensations in your mind or head, e.g., the flow of thoughts, the speed, the texture, anything you observe; everybody notices different things and describe this to the group. The intention is to be present to your mind in this precise moment.

2) Heart space/Emotions – Deeply sense what is happening in your heart here and now. It might be emotions, energies, or even physical sensations. Whatever it is, we are not trying to change anything, but rather give it a voice and witness it. We want to allow the heart to speak.

3) Physical body – Observe and share about any body sensations. You may want to do a scan over your body. What do you notice on the surface or inside your body – does it feel light or heavy, hot or cold, pleasant/ unpleasant/ neutral? You may even mention your energy level. Each day is different but we share what we witness right now.

4) Earth/Sky – Notice your connection with the earth, are you feeling grounded, what do you sense when you focus on your physical, emotional and/or spiritual connection to Earth, Sky or Universe?

Round 3: Next we share our present awareness of cohesion, alignment or non-alignment (or a synchronistic flow of energy) between our mind, heart and emotions both within ourselves, within our circle and possibly in relation to the current state of the world. Feel free to share reflections, new insights, images, etc., from our personal experience using statements such as (I feel, I sense, I realise, etc), as an offering without speaking directly about what another person shared. Time permitting, we may move into a short generative dialogue building on what has been shared.

Close the circle with intention.

Updated 3-11-22 ls

Peer Respite should be everyone’s concern because it is a model for how each of us can be like a drop of medicine, that is, we can become a remedy together for transforming our relationships and therefore transforming society.

My intent with this blog is to compare some lessons learned from my recent medical crisis response to a similar peer-run respite response. I hope, dear reader, that you can see for yourself how far we need to go to begin arriving at a trauma-informed, empowering, compassionate response to people in crisis.

Peer Respite

My use of the term peer respite comes from the first project of its kind in the world, the Stepping Stone respite. Stepping Stone was founded by Shery Mead in New Hampshire and, since 1997, has been completely run by people with the lived experience of having survived beyond the “mental health” system. The mission of Stepping Stone—and peer respites like it—is to transform crisis into an opportunity for personal discovery. In peer respite, we can learn to transcend the limitations imposed on us, become more empowered in our own lives, and create new, healthier ways of relating with others.

Since those early days, peers have developed other peer-run respites throughout the U.S., and the terms and the approaches have evolved. They are also referred to as hospital diversion houses or stabilization houses. But all peer respites divert people from being admitted a psychiatric institution and instead offer a voluntary, home-like, trauma-sensitive setting in the community where they are assisted through the crisis. Research data shows the significant benefit of this approach to care on many levels, including cost saving, reduced recidivism rates, and an increased sense of empowerment.

Peer respites are rapidly spreading across the United States and internationally. It is important, however, to recognize that each peer respite has its own set of corporate values, principles, policies, procedures, operations, and outcomes. My blog, Soteria House and Peer Respite Summit, provides some research data on peer respites.

Similar to peer respites, the Soteria model primarily uses peers for its staff and is founded on principles of voluntary stay and the recovery model, including minimal use of neuroleptic drugs (which are the first-line intervention in conventional psychiatric care). However, Soteria is a little different from peer respite; the original Soteria house was founded by a psychiatrist, not a peer, and as a research study it had specific guidelines that prevented participation by some groups of people.

The Soteria model is also spreading across the world. In Israel, for example, there are 12 "stabilizing houses" modeled on the Soteria House model. Current Soteria Houses are doing some things differently, sometimes by choice and sometimes because of their funding source and/or policy environment.

My Recent Medical Crisis

I recently experienced a medical crisis that led to a hospitalization. My experience of being hospitalized reminded me of the peer respite approach—a trauma-informed, empowering, compassionate response. I hope that as the conventional system tries to replicate what makes peer respite outcomes so significant, we don’t lose the heart of why this approach really matters and changes lives.

I write this blog from the comfort of my own home and grateful to have returned to being very healthy. My intention is to point out some comparisons between how I was treated during my medical crisis and how people are perceived and treated in a peer respite approach.

My story begins here: I had felt ill for several days and thought it was due to having eaten some bad food. Since I was far from home and out of state, I had spotty communication with a new telemedicine doctor and was not able to get into community-based urgent care. I thought I needed an antibiotic, which I thought would be easy to obtain, but it wasn’t.

At the same time, I was getting to know Joel better. We had begun a business relationship (online) one month earlier, but when we met in-person he could see that I needed assistance and he generously offered support. From the moment we met there was a spaciousness, an openness, a presence of relational awareness. This was not reduced to the three-dimensional transactions that were taking place, but more importantly what was happening in the space between us. When he spoke, the intent of his words and his context landed deeply in me, and when I spoke, I could tell my words and context were received by him. I sensed he was taking in the entire context of my situation as I was doing the same for him.

As time went on and I grew weaker and had increasing difficulty eating, the telemedicine doctor emailed that he didn’t think I had a bacterial stomach infection and maybe I had covid. Thus, urgent care was able to quickly set up a covid test and the next morning I got the positive test result. Joel and I had briefly spoken about the possibility of his driving me to the hospital, but that day we got more work taken care of (including some preparation for me to go to the hospital).

The next morning, I realized with every ounce of wisdom in my body, mind, spirit, and environment that I needed immediate medical attention. I simply told Joel to call 911 for an ambulance, which he did without question, without hesitation. He completely trusted my mind, my judgement, my intelligence, my decision.

When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics were completely focused on context and on me, my situation, and how could they get the stretcher into the bedroom where I was. They couldn’t—at least not very easily—so they tenderly asked if I could walk 8 feet to the stretcher. I said I could, but they were so focused on my safety they vigilantly touched or had their bodies and arms (one person on each side of me) ready to help me if I faltered. I deeply felt their care and thoughtfulness; it brings tears to my eyes now.

Why, you might ask? Sadly, I think about how different it would have been if I had been in emotional crisis rather than medical crisis. I think about what often happens when 911 is called because someone is having an emotional crisis, when their emotions get so big that the simmering tea kettle boils over and they ask for help in ways that may seem—and may be—unusual. Many dear readers know what happens when untrained or improperly trained professionals (e.g., law enforcement) or people get involved—sometimes it makes news headlines. And always, even when it does not result in the person in crisis being killed, there is additional trauma to the person in crisis as well as the responders and the witnesses.

I don’t want to overly reduce the complexity of a community situation when 911 is called for a mental health crisis, but the emergency response needs to involve (among other things, e.g., community safety) a compassionate approach to help the person in crisis feel seen, heard, validated, and respected so that the person is able to more effectively communicate their needs.

I told the emergency medical team what hospital to take me to and they did, and they did so without question even though two other hospitals were closer. Again, I thought—would they have done that if I were in emotional crisis, rather than medical crisis?

At the hospital the tenderness, respectfulness, thoughtfulness for my comfort and what I wanted continued. I knew that I was in the right place and therefore I could relax and let them do whatever they needed to do. I noticed the details as I was taken immediately into a covid isolation room in the emergency department. My life was in their hands and I could give my body to them to be cared for. I didn’t need to struggle any more. I didn’t need to force myself to drink more water to try and stay hydrated because the IV fluids did it for me—they were taking exquisite care of me—body, mind, emotions—the whole package, the whole context was respected in a deep and caring way. It’s exactly what would happen in a peer respite.

In the hospital, the staff listened with presence, being in the moment with me, which created more intimacy. They had great skill at being able to focus and put aside whatever else was going on outside “us.” The doctor spoke to me as an equal partner: very personable, he wasn’t hurried, he explained my health status and asked if I had any questions. The compassion was obvious. The nurse was observant—without needing to inquire beforehand, she simply brought a pair of purple (my favorite color) hospital pants/scrubs and caringly asked me if I wanted them. I think (between us as women) she knew I would want them.

After several hours of being hydrated I was ready to be released back into the world, away from the 24/7 buzz of a large emergency department with cinderblock walls, beeping machines, and sterile everything.

And after that, I wondered whether they would have behaved so caringly if I had been in emotional crisis. That’s why peer respite is needed: it’s the peer respite model that ensures that type of response to an emotional crisis.

The Peer Respite Model

In the peer respite model, the individual is always acknowledged to be in a contextual and relational field. This is not just about what words we say and the tone of voice we use, but it is also what happens in the space between us. Peer respites model mutual relational awareness by being a safe holding space and thus a healing space (assuming the staff and all levels of the organization are aligned with collective trauma-healing policies, procedures, and practices). I use the term “collective” trauma-healing because deep, meaningful and sustainable healing happens in relationship, in community. We are not islands, as much as we would like to be sometimes!

In a mutually respectful space (e.g., peer respite) tracking how information lands in the listener is key. When I am in emotional distress or crisis, I need to know deep in my central nervous system that I am being fully seen and heard. I track this in many ways, not only by the other person’s verbal and non-verbal communication but by whether they are aligned with me. Can I feel a resonant space? Can I feel them feeling me? If not, perhaps becausethey are busy, my communication is not received—it doesn’t land—then we don’t meet in a higher level of relational awareness and the situation takes on a whole different trajectory. Healing does not happen and more layers of trauma get layered on and our sense of separation, isolation, and fragmentation are reinforced. I sense that for some people there may be a relationship between how fast that person moves through life to get some result or outcome and how deeply their intent (awarely or unawarely) is to numb their own emotional pain.

If, however, the conditions are met, then we can deepen the relational awareness in this time and space where it becomes safe to feel and be honest and where there is more capacity to relate to our wounds. I don’t have to put the social mask on to protect myself against the constant barrage of micro-and macro-aggressions so ubiquitous in our society. Rather, I have an opportunity to thaw the parts of me frozen in a trauma response, the numb parts I could not feel or look at before. In a safe space, I trust myself and the other and can continue to integrate the fragments of myself on a path of becoming whole, increasingly unattached or liberated from the past.

In peer respites they hold a lot of space for listening so we may digest, reflect, and integrate formerly unintegrated trauma information and thus become more able to meet the world as it is instead of how we would like it to be. We can unravel our own intelligence. Trauma brings fragmentation—my real self gets disconnected from the social mask I must wear to survive in the traumatized waters that the world swims in. My trauma response is the intelligence that saved me. I need time and space to honor it and bring love to the places that have been exiled so I may bring about unification, releasing past attachments that no longer serve me. We don’t need so much protection any longer because we’ve found more safety in our own bones and in building the relationships that sooth and nurture us.

I was lucky enough to experience this during my hospitalization for COVID. The flow of my entire medical situation was much easier because I knew I was not alone. I had someone who really cared nearby for whatever assistance I needed. In addition to that, my support system, which I have built over many years, was electronically engaged with texts, phone calls, and emails, keeping me blanketed with love and information that helped my healing.

But that’s not always true for many people who are hospitalized after an emotional crisis. Often, their phones and email privileges are revoked. They are treated as a burden and not listened to—certainly not with the empathic relational awareness I’m describing.

But imagine a different community response to how people in extreme emotional states are treated in the community. Peer respite is a research-proven compassionate response. It is critical that this resource expand to every community across the country.

Peer respites elevate our status so we are full partners, making all the decisions about how we want our day or our life to be, and we get support in thinking and feeling our way through the process. Many areas of our society have chosen to not fully recognize people with a mental health label or people in emotional crisis as a full partner. Psychiatric care is one of those areas. Involuntary treatment and involuntary hospitalization remove any sense of agency. People are coerced into drug treatments after a quick meeting with a psychiatrist or a doctor who may not even really listen to their concerns.

My story shows how great quality medical attention can be like peer respite where I am treated as an equal. The contrast here is to the conventional psychiatric establishment or “mental health” system where typically force, coercion, and trauma are all too commonplace. We only have to look at the increasing suicide rates in the US (and overseas as well) to understand this. Resources are few and far between for providing the response, the approach, the compassion and the intelligent relational awareness that is needed.

And finally, peer respites promote the idea that we have sovereignty over our own bodies.

The emergency room doctor recommended that I get a COVID vaccination in a couple of months but he added, that would be a decision between me and my doctor. How different that is from the way people who have gone through an emotional crisis are treated! So often we are coerced or forced into taking medications and our concerns are minimized or ignored. Just the act of giving me a choice about my medical situation and my body felt so empowering.

I am pleased to know that an international group of like-minded souls have been moving together and are taking an evolutionary step forward by creating the first ever virtual International Summit on Peer Respite/Soteria Houses to share our wisdom, inspire, and give “nuts and bolts” steps to spread peer respites and Soteria houses.

The Summit is free and takes place every Sunday in October 2021. Over 600 people are registered from 42 US states and 37 countries for this interactive series. This is an all-voluntary effort, and just over $14,000 towards a $20,000 goal has been raised for future sustainability and information dissemination purposes.

If you would like to know more or to register for the free Summit, click here: https://www.alternatives-conference.org/peerrespitesoteriasummit

In closing, I share some questions that I often ponder:

How can we develop presence and stay connected so we can invite healing?

How can we support each other to be together in our process of change and growth?

How can we enhance our capacity to respond rather than react?

How can we learn to better sense our self and sense others in the space deeper than words?

How do we recognize where we feel depleted and tired as an alarm bell indication of when we need to press the reset button for our own balance, well-being, and health?

We can’t do this alone. We need each other. How do we walk this path together?

How do we become like a drop of medicine?

What steps will we take to create more compassion around us?

How do we learn to listen to what our higher self is whispering about next steps?

Peer respite is a model for how we can become a remedy together, how each of us can be like a drop of medicine. I find it helpful to compare my recent medical crisis to a peer respite experience. It is important, however, to recognize that the over 50 peer respites in the United States have their own sets of corporate values, principles, policies, procedures, operations, and outcomes. See my blog of September 27, 2021, Soteria House and Peer Respite Summit, for some research data on peer respites. https://www.madinamerica.com/2021/09/soteria-peer-summit/

Two months ago, I realized with every ounce of wisdom in my body, mind, spirit and environment that I needed immediate medical attention. I simply told my new friend to call 911 for an ambulance which he did without question, without hesitation. He completely trusted my mind, my judgement, my intelligence, my decision. Obviously, you dear reader are getting the condensed version of the story. My friend had seen me for several consecutive days of not feeling well (and not able to get into community-based urgent care).

The point I want to make is: The individual is always in a contextual and relational field. This is not just about what words we say and the tone we use but it is also what happens in the space between us. Peer respites model mutual relational awareness by being a safe holding space and thus a healing space (assuming the staff and all levels of the organization are aligned with trauma-healing policies, procedures, and practices).

Back to the story. Though my friend was a very new person in my life brought together for mutual business purposes, he had time and could see I needed assistance and he generously offered support. From the moment we met there was a space, an openness, a presence for relational awareness. This was not reduced to the three-dimensional transactions that were taking place but more importantly what was happening in the space between us. When he spoke, the intent of his words and his context landed deeply in me, and when I spoke, I could tell my words and context were received by him. I sensed he was taking in the entire context of my situation as I was doing the same for him.

Another point – In a mutually respectful space (e.g., peer respite) tracking how information lands in the listener is key. When I am in emotional distress or crisis, I need to know deep in my central nervous system that I am being fully seen and heard. I track this in many ways, not only by the other person’s verbal and non-verbal communication but are they aligned with me. Can I feel a resonant space? Can I feel them feeling me? If not, becausethey are busy so my communication is not received – it doesn’t land – then we don’t meet in a higher level of relational awareness and the situation takes on a whole different trajectory. Healing does not happen and more layers of trauma get layered on and our sense of separation, isolation, and fragmentation are reinforced. I sense that for some people there may be a relationship between how fast that person moves through life and how deeply their intent (awarely or unawarely) is to numb their own emotional pain.

If, however, the conditions are met, then we can deepen the relational awareness in this time and space where it becomes safe to feel and be honest and where there is more capacity to relate to our wounds. I don’t have to put the social mask on to protect myself against the constant barrage of micro-and macro-aggressions so ubiquitous in our society. Rather, I have an opportunity to thaw the parts of me frozen in a trauma response, the numb parts I could not feel or look at before. In a safe space I trust myself and the other and can continue to integrate the fragments of myself on a path of becoming whole, increasingly unattached or liberated from the past.

The flow of my entire medical situation was much easier because I

knew I was not alone. I had someone who really cared nearby for whatever assistance I needed. In addition to that my support system was electronically engaged with texts, phone calls, and emails keeping me blanketed with love.

Back to the story: when the ambulance arrived, they were completely focused on context and on me, my situation, how could they get the stretcher into the bedroom where I was. They couldn’t – at least not very easily – so they tenderly asked if I could walk 8 feet to the stretcher. I said I could, but they were so focused on my safety they vigilantly touched or had their bodies and arms (one person on each side of me) ready to help me if I faltered. I deeply felt their care and thoughtfulness; it brings tears to my eyes now. Imagine if this was how people in extreme emotional states were treated in the community.

I told them the hospital to take me to; they did not for an instant question me though two other hospitals were closer.

At the hospital the tenderness, respectfulness, thoughtfulness for my comfort and what I wanted continued. I knew that I was in the right place and therefore I could relax and let them do whatever they needed to do. I noticed the details and there were many as I was taken immediately into a covid isolation room in the emergency department. My life was in their hands and I could give my body to them to be cared for. I didn’t need to struggle any more. I didn’t need to force myself to drink more water to try and stay hydrated because the IV fluids did it for me – they were taking exquisite care of me – body, mind, emotions – the whole package, the whole context was respected in a deep and caring way.

Another point: Peer respites elevate our status so we are full partners, making all the decisions about how we want our day or our life to be and we get support in thinking and feeling our way through the process. Many areas of our society have chosen to not fully recognize people with a mental health label or people in emotional crisis as a full partner.

The story: In the hospital the staff listened with presence, being in the moment with me, which created more intimacy. They had great skill at being able to focus and put aside whatever else was going on outside “us”. The doctor spoke to me as an equal partner, very personable, he wasn’t hurried, he explained my health status and asked if I had any questions. The compassion was obvious. The nurse was observant, without needing to inquire beforehand she simply brought a pair of purple (my favorite color) hospital pants/scrubs and caringly asked me if I wanted them. I think (between us as women) she knew I would want them. After several hours of being hydrated I was ready to be released back into the world away from the 24/7 buzz of a large emergency department with cinderblock walls, beeping machines, and sterile everything.

In peer respites they hold a lot of space for listening so we may digest, reflect, and integrate formerly unintegrated trauma information and thus become more able to meet the world as it is instead of how we would like it to be. We can unravel our own intelligence. Trauma brings fragmentation – my real self gets disconnected from the social mask I must wear to survive in the traumatized waters that the world swims in. My trauma response is the intelligence that saved me. I need time and space to honor it and bring love to the places that have been exiled so I may bring about unification, releasing past attachments that no longer serve me. We don’t need so much protection any longer because we’ve found more safety in our own bones and in building the relationships that sooth and nurture us.

I am pleased to know that an international group of like-minded souls have been moving together and are taking an evolutionary step forward by creating the first ever virtual International Summit on Peer Respite/Soteria Houses to share our wisdom, inspire, and give “nuts and bolts” steps to spread peer respites and Soteria houses.

The Summit is free and takes place every Sunday in October 2021. Over 600 people are registered from 42 states (US) and 32 countries for this interactive series. This is an all-voluntary effort, and over $10,000 towards a $20,000 goal has been raised for future sustainability and information dissemination purposes. If you would like to know more or to register for the free Summit, click here. https://www.alternatives-conference.org/peerrespitesoteriasummit

In closing, I share some questions that I often ponder.

How can we develop presence and stay connected so we can invite healing?

How can we support each other to be together in our process of change and growth?

How can we enhance our capacity to respond rather than react?

How can we learn to better sense our self and sense others in the space deeper than words?

How do we recognize where we feel depleted and tired as an alarm bell indication of when we need to press the re-set button for our own balance, well-being and health?

We can’t do this alone. We need each other. How do we walk this path together?

How do we become like a drop of medicine?

What steps will we take to create more compassion around us?

How do we learn to listen to what our higher self is whispering about next steps?